Jellybeanhop's Xanga

Goodbye Xanga!

Wed, 16 May 2007 11:59:14 GMT

Hey!

Find me at

http://ariseblessedrain.blogspot.com

:)

home sweet home.

Wed, 09 May 2007 05:42:38 GMT

after 24 hours....i am finally sitting home and checking my e-mails....wow....its amazing how much can accumulate in 48 hours - i did get lazy the last few days to check e-mail (which rarely happens!) but i'm home. Taiwan is hot, humid, but oh so lovely. So much more quiet than New York! crazy.....so far me and my mom have had some really good and sharing convos. My sister has grown at least a few inches taller!! but its so good to be home. i already ate a bowl of beef noodles since i was so tempted to eat it at Ollies before i left- but told myself no because i'll be eating the real thing in Taiwan.

So- thus my summer adventures begin. i know i'm going to be doing absolutely NOTHING for the next 2 weeks at least - but just reading, hanging out in the city with friends, spending time with mom and sister and GBC! woot. I'm still debating between India or Malaysia for 3 weeks community development service - so today and tomorrow shall have an answer.

Also- praise God, i had a revelation about guy issues. I guess being single- it is tempting to be looking around for the man out there - but i realize that is NOT a good way at all. The best way is to TRUST that God will provide you with someone who is amazing along your way of pursue God's heart. God is the ultimate lover. I think we tend to forget about that and get twirled into the whole dating scene. I got a wake up call. I need a guy who loves me for who I am. I need a guy who is NOT scared to pour himself out and love others. With closure, I bring thanksgiving and look up to God - for He loves me for who I am - every single bit. thanks DAD!

i never realized

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 13:57:35 GMT

i have never realized how much of a control freak i am. its kind of scarying me. today i was talking to my roommate and then the words literally came out "i just can't stand how i don't know what is going on next. i like to be in control of my schedule and my life...." and then i paused. hmmmm- yeah?! i do, don't i? its so weird- every year by this time- i had an idea what i want to do or will be doing- but this year i have absolutely no idea other then going home in May and staying there for a month. Its all question marks. I know i need an internship and would be nice to make money alongside with it. But other then that- i think my mind is tired of thinking what are things i can do...definitely need rest in my brain.....people have been hunting me down and asking "why haven't you returned phone calls?" or "why haven't you replied my emails?" and i feel bad! i have been in such retrieval mode- which is not really like me. i just don't really wanna deal with people until i get done with my papers and then after that i can go home.

can't explain what kind of funky mood i am in :P

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Thu, 19 Apr 2007 22:34:07 GMT

After deciding and thinking-

i am going home in May!! :) so excited

Spring? please come soon.

Sat, 07 Apr 2007 14:50:19 GMT

I cannot believe this. It is spring. April. and New York City was flurring??!! i mean....seriously. COME ON!! where are the green trees, green pastures, blue skies, flowers, sundresses.....will this day ever happen to new york? I'm starting to doubt that will ever happen to New York.....what a long winter. I really am not meant to be in such weather like this. It is oppression.

So- 70% staying in New York City for the summer. 30% going somewhere. I have recently learned a lot about obedience to rest. I have had really not much time to rest during the past 8 months. graduate school is INTENSE for sure- but its good. I can't wait till the beginning of May when i won't have school and I can at least rest for a week :) before whatever happens. Anyways- i know for sure- NO SCHOOL till September. I am really excited about my friend's wedding which i'll be a bridesmaid for the 1st time- (last time i bailed out because i had to go to China :) ) and it will be in Atlanta! i'm excited in traveling back to the South. Esp the weather should be amazingly nicer. Also- August. Can't wait to go home to Taiwan. My whole familiy will be home at least for partially the month. dad, mom, me and lulu- and we are gonna go to the Southern shores of Kending to have some beach/water fun and just travel as a family. Since the last time we all saw each other (June 2006)- a lot has happened- i have been to China for the second time, been a graduate student for a year, lived in new york city. As for my mom- she has became a new Christian- which is oh so exciting :). My sister- i assume she has grown taller, smarter and prettier ;) and my dad maybe still the same person. I can't wait to go back to Taiwan most of all to see my friends at GBC. I miss my women's small group so much! You never know how much you miss something until they are not next to you. One of the group members came to visit NYC last week- Fifi, and I basically ran to her and we hugged for 3 minutes and cried. Yeah- i miss home if you didn't figure that out. I think I just being back in Asia.

Until next time- 5 papers and 2 presentations to go!!!!!! nobody shall see me till May 3rd- only by special requests! :)

bad at making decisions

Thu, 29 Mar 2007 20:27:04 GMT

So- i finally confirmed that I can be a bit bad at making decisions- i guess because i see the good and bad and am so cautious- but sometimes a bit TOOO cautious. I wish i can see things and be like- yes, that and this- ok! i'm done :P hahhaa. So many decisions lately. when did life get so complicated? I guess the older you are, the less parents really can have a say- and the more you are placed in situations where you are responsible and you got to decide- yes or no? this or that. blah and blah :)

But i must say- Psalm 130 and just even though i get anxious or i have recently been kind of spacey- God is really training me to be patient and TRUST him. and HIS time. So, Amen to that! Its been really hard though- especially i told myself i won't be thinking about all the things until i come back from spring break- yeah WOAH! hahah...came back and bam bam bam- all these things fell into my lap and was like "DECIDE!" "NOW!" I actually had an argument with my advisor yesterday. I guess he was expecting me to have everything together- WHICH I DIDN'T and i told him and he looked really angry but resisted but there was a huge tone of disapproval- and whoever knew where i found the guts to say to him at the end of our convo, "I really didn't appreciate your tone of voice and attitude as this is already very hard for me." What- was- i- thinking?!?! being the Asian girl saying that to an advisor?!??! woooo.....don't know where i got the guts to say that.

I still don't know about next year- 'cause my public health application is still in the air and my 2nd year placement concentration is needed to be decided sometime the end of this week....sooooooo, but i do kind of already know about the summer. But won't do much until the end of this week- again, i'm still waiting to hear back from others- this process of WAITING is driving me insane...hahhaa.

until then, i've already booked my ticket to go home in August, there are multiple people checking out my apartment for summer rent- so that should be done soon and then i'll be flying to Julia's wedding in the end of July when i come back from Africa :) oh- and with my free ticket, i might fly somewhere with whoever....to Mexico or California or Hawaii!!! Of all these things- i think i can't wait the most is to go home. I miss home A whole heck lot 'cause i haven't seen my sistah or mom since last August- can't wait can't wait.

ANyone going to Taiwan in August? if yes- we should get together :)

China

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 03:00:29 GMT

I just found out i have a midterm like 3 hours ago- ahhh.....its ok! i think it will be ok :) i also just stuffed myself with salmon paddies from trader joes like an hour ago....so stuffed...food coma.

today was the first time i planned something at school- it was kind of cool, i actually kind of like doing stuff like this- planning and seeing it happen and seeing ppl show up and seeing good fruit coming out of it. today we talked about human rights in china and one of the big players from Amnesty came to speak. Most of all i was so glad that director for life came to save the day. but seriously though- a lot of of my friends showed up and now kind of know what is going on and what i talk about when i talk about China. seeing the photos and the merry go round talk about peoploe who i love so dearly just really made me smile. u know, i'm sooo grateful to my father- who has given me this passion for his people far far away. i think its so special and no matter where/when/what- my heart for them is still the same and i betcha that father's heart is even more stronger and constant. thats really good news- 'cause he is taking care of them because he loves them so.

i think being in texas and this talk- again reminds me how good reminders are and that when we kind of got busy with our lives, the reminder comes and you are so glad, so glad that you live today and have seen what you have seen. i'm so grateful. soooo grateful.

thanks dad.

Take My Life.

Mon, 26 Feb 2007 02:08:20 GMT

Take my life and let it be
consecrated, Lord, to Thee.
Take my moments and my days,
let them flow in ceaseless praise.
Take my hands and let them move
at the impulse of Thy love.
Take my feet and let them be
swift and beautiful for Thee.

Take my voice and let me sing
always, only for my King.
Take my lips and let them be
filled with messages from Thee.
Take my silver and my gold
not a mite would I withhold.
Take my intellect and use
every power as You choose.

Take my will and make it Thine
it shall be no longer mine.
Take my heart it is Thine own
it shall be Thy royal throne.
Take my love, my Lord I pour
at Your feet its treasure store
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.
Take myself and I will be
ever, only, all for Thee.

Here am I, all of me.
Take my life, it's all for Thee.

what a beautiful song. I am in awe. I ask God that He can mold me into a woman of God and i ask HIm to take my life- everything of it. daily surrendering.
I came back from retreat and definitely, God is good.

God is good!

Mon, 29 Jan 2007 04:57:37 GMT

God is good.
Tonight had a pretty intense time with Jesus.
Many many things happened tonight- but one thing that I shall share publically (others you gotta ask me!) is that during tonight's healing concert- there was a piece called "In the Garden" and it was kind of like a dance- and I was reminded of just today- when i finished the book "Captivating" how the last page was talking about Anna and the King. How Anna prepared herself for the big ball and how the King focused only on her and asked her to dance and while dancing- He put all his attention to Anna and not distracted. It reminded me that the God who was with me in China, during tough and amazing times- is here with me in New York City. And He is with me always. When people say in cliche "He is watching over me"- it is true. And He is never distracted- His love is never distracted away- Always will be on me and you.

Also- God spoke to me through a musician- God said "Do not be afraid"- that was totally an answer to my doubts lately.

thanks for the comments :)

to the ends of the earth.

Mon, 08 Jan 2007 08:58:28 GMT

Merhaba!! greetings from Turkey! What have I been doing in Turkey- nothing but rest, read, watch stuff, meditate, pray and all that nice restful stuff that is such a blessing. I can't believe I have already been here for a week already. Since Urbana 2006....things have been crazy fast and now I finally have come back to finding my own heartbeat and being able to breath. Being with my dad here is so great because I get to spend time with him and have gotten to talk to him about all different types of subjects. The more I talk to my dad, despite my ungrateful times, I still am so thankful by God giving me such a gracious and understanding father by birth. My father is the one who wants me to go to Africa despite the dangers. I think its because he is a faithful man. There are moments when I'm like "(*#($&*(#@$ DAD!!!??" but, but- I am grateful.

Urbana 2006....now looking back, bit by bit is like a sweet fragrance that comes to me and teaches me what God revealed. First of all 25,000 people worshipping God and having a heart for God's mission in this world- that is amazing. Again, made me taste a glimpse of how heaven is sorta gonna be like :) Second, I kept on asking God, am i on the right track "Slum Communities in a Developing World". I was debating between 3 (international, AIDS and Slums) but choose Slums because how it was the most popular one at first and how the track director was the first GP director of XJ. But more and more God is teaching me about the "poor" and the gift of mercy in me- how to use that. Its not always about picking the right track, going to the right seminar, talking to the right agency- God is with us wherever we go. If you ask me- so what are you going to do? I have no idea. But, there is so much peace with that because I know my God rescued me and so shall he keep on rescuing me in life. I also was scared of financial insecurities that is coming in the future. But- do i need to live in lavish settings and materialistic satisfactions? The more and more I look and I see, I don't have to and God will provide. BUt i know something for sure- there is nothing more then wanting to walk in God's provision that is going to satisfy my soul. All the things of this world are going to fade away- but the glory and beauty of the Lord shall not. Our lifetime here is only a tiny tiny segment in comparison to our time in heaven.....i look forward to that, but like Paul, for now- I shall be on this Earth and do God's work. I met some amazing people in my track and got to see a lot of my dearest 'family' at Urbana- that was definitely such a blessing from God. Also being able to talk to some of my old connections- Gosh. God is awesome because no matter how far, how wide we all are- God being our center, we are always family by spirit.

Breath in life to the deadly bones, God.
I know and God knows- i've never been more ready and i'm getting ready to go.
I hear the desertlands calling......mmmmm....how great is our God!