i have never realized how much of a control freak i am. its kind of scarying me. today i was talking to my roommate and then the words literally came out "i just can't stand how i don't know what is going on next. i like to be in control of my schedule and my life...." and then i paused. hmmmm- yeah?! i do, don't i? its so weird- every year by this time- i had an idea what i want to do or will be doing- but this year i have absolutely no idea other then going home in May and staying there for a month. Its all question marks. I know i need an internship and would be nice to make money alongside with it. But other then that- i think my mind is tired of thinking what are things i can do...definitely need rest in my brain.....people have been hunting me down and asking "why haven't you returned phone calls?" or "why haven't you replied my emails?" and i feel bad! i have been in such retrieval mode- which is not really like me. i just don't really wanna deal with people until i get done with my papers and then after that i can go home.

can't explain what kind of funky mood i am in :P